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Literature Text
A tales for the fishes
Disclaimer : Hellboy doesn't belonged to me. *^_^* Beside I sincerely doubt that anybody would believe me if I claimed it did *^_^*
Rated : E for everyone *^_^*
*****
Abraham Sapien's agenda : Sunday, April first.
- Bi-monthly cleaning of the aquarium tank
- Finish writing last week report
- Finish reading books : Encyclopedia of Monsters by the brother Grimms, Arabian tales and legends, Gone with the wind (for the 5th time), The Color of magic (still good after 10 times), Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban (for the 1st time)
- Enjoy April fool's day show
*****
Even with a top of the line filtration system for Abe's tank, it still needed to be clean up once in a while and like every other Sunday, the cleaning team made its way to the library. While the cleaning itself was something done quite rapidly the longest part of the process was waiting for the tank to empty and to fill back up once they were done and it usually took the whole afternoon.
He often tried to wait in the library for them to be done. While he could easy pass the time with his reading and talking with the crew as the tank was being emptied and cleaned but waiting for it to be filled enough was pure torture. More often than not he would find his way back into the tank even if there was barely enough water to reach his ankle. Surrendering, Abe usually resigned himself to vacate the premise and roam the halls of the BPRD with a few books under his arm, only to return after dinner.
But unlike any other Sunday, this one might be particularly entertaining.
And today, it was the mess hall that held his fancy. He found himself a slightly isolated table where he installed himself with a large pitcher of water and a few rotten eggs knowing that his culinary taste often disagreed with the olfactory sense of others (and this also gave him a good view on the many pranks being unfolded). Like a cursing Leach who just used the salt shaker with the top unscrewed or the many exclamations of surprise when false worms were found in some of the plates.
An agent bringing back his empty tray told his friend: "Hey, did you find a worm in your spaghetti?"
"There was a worm?" answer a now uneasy and somewhat queasy agent.
Apparently, it's not everyone who where on their guard today, which was one of the reasons Abraham chose this table so that he could put his back against the wall.
Woopy cushion, fire crackers, prank calls and every other practical jokes where having the honor on this happy April's fool day. This was probably the only holiday in which almost everybody in the BPRD actively participated in, for it's a good way to unwind.
Except for Abe. Oh, it's not that he doesn't like the holiday, he reveled in it. There's always a good laugh to be had. But nobody was ever been able to get him.
Back in the 70's when Abe first got to the BPRD everybody tried to prank him but thanks to his sense of observation, cunning and psychometry/telepathy, he turned out to be very successful at evading them. So much so that a few years later nobody even tried anymore.
Even Hellboy, who's been responsible for some of the most impressive and elaborate pranks in the Bureau's history (conference room C still bare the marks of last year's endeavour), has yet too succeeded.
And because of the unwritten rule of the festivities: 'thou shall not prank unless others are able to prank thee', on this day Abraham abstain himself from jokes, harlequinades and other various mischieves.
Once he was finish with his report and the last of his thousand year's eggs (someone from the garage came to borrow some of the smelly treats for some unknown nefarious purpose), he proceeded to brought it to the administration.
The walk there was as entertaining as the mess. For example, he crossed a guy wiping meringue off his face from a recent pieing. He also came across a couple of guys with green dyed hands who told him not to use the soap in the third floor washroom.
He also saw green handed Manning with a 'kick me' sign on is back, which he put it there himself for his own safety, after all, no one prank someone who's already been had. But nobody told that to the soap-dispenser who continued to do its job in an indiscriminate fashion.
Secretary and administration's offices got their own brand of pranks. Like, telephones' hear-piece dip in an ink pad or office's name tags being switched around, along with weird e-mail and messing with computer settings.
From the secretaries, Abe learned that the receptionist in the surface lobby had turn away 4 pizzas, 5 subs, 3 Chinese deliveries, 2 flower deliveries (one saying 'congratulation on the new baby' and the other one said 'rest in peace'), a troop of singing clowns and the cable guy.
On his way out he met up with Liz, who like every women who used the second floor washroom had blue tainted hands because someone put food coloring in the soap (the janitor really had a lot of fun today).
"Hi, Abe." greeted Liz. "I've been wondering, have you seen Hellboy? I haven't seen him all day and I got this gift for him." She opened the small bag she was carrying and she showed him the content. It was a pair of red boxer-brief made of asbestos with yellow lettering saying 'Some like it hot!'. (He didn't know where she could have gotten her hands on this and he wasn't sure he wanted to know either.)
Abe look up at Liz and said: "Very original.", in total sincerity.
*** A few hours later. ***
After a long day of watching and laughing at other peoples misfortunes, Abe felt a bit tired and somewhat dried around the gills. The only things he wanted was to setup his books on the lectern and return to the water.
When he arrived in the library the drapes to his tank where closed, as it sometime happens after the cleaning where done.
Entering the pressurised airlock to his humble abode, the water filled up … and opened up to complete darkness. (They must have left the light out.)
It didn't matter for he knew the way to light switch by heart. On his way he took the time to appreciate the cleanliness of the water and how oxygenated it felt. He could hear the filtration system running at full capacity (The cleaning crew must have knock the controls by accident), he would have to check that later.
Suddenly, the drapes opened and there was bright flash of light!
As he was blinking the spots away he could hear Hellboy's laughter in the hallway fading away.
As the spots diminish in size and quantity, he began to notice the outline of a vaguely human shape. In hurry, he turned on the lights … only to find himself staring at an empty pressurised diving suit.
Doing his best impersonation of a Japanese carp, it took him a few seconds to notice that the diving suit wasn't the only addition made to his water tank.
Letting go of the initial choc, the still astonish, Abraham began to look around; the floor was covered in pebbles, there was plastic algae in every corners, there was also an open treasure chest, a stone arch way, a castle and a coral reef backdrop … and this kitsch setup was all up to scale!
His tank was now a full fledge aquarium!!!
And it was a very much undignified Abraham that cried out: "OH! Real FUNNY guys!!!"
And then realisation hit him like a ton of brick. The flash … came from a camera.
*****
Safely hidden behind the heavy door of his quarter, Hellboy was chuckling as he was sitting at his computer e-mailing the picture of the perfect prank to everybody in the BPRD.
He's been waiting for years to pull that one off and it was worth the wait.
Disclaimer : Hellboy doesn't belonged to me. *^_^* Beside I sincerely doubt that anybody would believe me if I claimed it did *^_^*
Rated : E for everyone *^_^*
*****
Abraham Sapien's agenda : Sunday, April first.
- Bi-monthly cleaning of the aquarium tank
- Finish writing last week report
- Finish reading books : Encyclopedia of Monsters by the brother Grimms, Arabian tales and legends, Gone with the wind (for the 5th time), The Color of magic (still good after 10 times), Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban (for the 1st time)
- Enjoy April fool's day show
*****
Even with a top of the line filtration system for Abe's tank, it still needed to be clean up once in a while and like every other Sunday, the cleaning team made its way to the library. While the cleaning itself was something done quite rapidly the longest part of the process was waiting for the tank to empty and to fill back up once they were done and it usually took the whole afternoon.
He often tried to wait in the library for them to be done. While he could easy pass the time with his reading and talking with the crew as the tank was being emptied and cleaned but waiting for it to be filled enough was pure torture. More often than not he would find his way back into the tank even if there was barely enough water to reach his ankle. Surrendering, Abe usually resigned himself to vacate the premise and roam the halls of the BPRD with a few books under his arm, only to return after dinner.
But unlike any other Sunday, this one might be particularly entertaining.
And today, it was the mess hall that held his fancy. He found himself a slightly isolated table where he installed himself with a large pitcher of water and a few rotten eggs knowing that his culinary taste often disagreed with the olfactory sense of others (and this also gave him a good view on the many pranks being unfolded). Like a cursing Leach who just used the salt shaker with the top unscrewed or the many exclamations of surprise when false worms were found in some of the plates.
An agent bringing back his empty tray told his friend: "Hey, did you find a worm in your spaghetti?"
"There was a worm?" answer a now uneasy and somewhat queasy agent.
Apparently, it's not everyone who where on their guard today, which was one of the reasons Abraham chose this table so that he could put his back against the wall.
Woopy cushion, fire crackers, prank calls and every other practical jokes where having the honor on this happy April's fool day. This was probably the only holiday in which almost everybody in the BPRD actively participated in, for it's a good way to unwind.
Except for Abe. Oh, it's not that he doesn't like the holiday, he reveled in it. There's always a good laugh to be had. But nobody was ever been able to get him.
Back in the 70's when Abe first got to the BPRD everybody tried to prank him but thanks to his sense of observation, cunning and psychometry/telepathy, he turned out to be very successful at evading them. So much so that a few years later nobody even tried anymore.
Even Hellboy, who's been responsible for some of the most impressive and elaborate pranks in the Bureau's history (conference room C still bare the marks of last year's endeavour), has yet too succeeded.
And because of the unwritten rule of the festivities: 'thou shall not prank unless others are able to prank thee', on this day Abraham abstain himself from jokes, harlequinades and other various mischieves.
Once he was finish with his report and the last of his thousand year's eggs (someone from the garage came to borrow some of the smelly treats for some unknown nefarious purpose), he proceeded to brought it to the administration.
The walk there was as entertaining as the mess. For example, he crossed a guy wiping meringue off his face from a recent pieing. He also came across a couple of guys with green dyed hands who told him not to use the soap in the third floor washroom.
He also saw green handed Manning with a 'kick me' sign on is back, which he put it there himself for his own safety, after all, no one prank someone who's already been had. But nobody told that to the soap-dispenser who continued to do its job in an indiscriminate fashion.
Secretary and administration's offices got their own brand of pranks. Like, telephones' hear-piece dip in an ink pad or office's name tags being switched around, along with weird e-mail and messing with computer settings.
From the secretaries, Abe learned that the receptionist in the surface lobby had turn away 4 pizzas, 5 subs, 3 Chinese deliveries, 2 flower deliveries (one saying 'congratulation on the new baby' and the other one said 'rest in peace'), a troop of singing clowns and the cable guy.
On his way out he met up with Liz, who like every women who used the second floor washroom had blue tainted hands because someone put food coloring in the soap (the janitor really had a lot of fun today).
"Hi, Abe." greeted Liz. "I've been wondering, have you seen Hellboy? I haven't seen him all day and I got this gift for him." She opened the small bag she was carrying and she showed him the content. It was a pair of red boxer-brief made of asbestos with yellow lettering saying 'Some like it hot!'. (He didn't know where she could have gotten her hands on this and he wasn't sure he wanted to know either.)
Abe look up at Liz and said: "Very original.", in total sincerity.
*** A few hours later. ***
After a long day of watching and laughing at other peoples misfortunes, Abe felt a bit tired and somewhat dried around the gills. The only things he wanted was to setup his books on the lectern and return to the water.
When he arrived in the library the drapes to his tank where closed, as it sometime happens after the cleaning where done.
Entering the pressurised airlock to his humble abode, the water filled up … and opened up to complete darkness. (They must have left the light out.)
It didn't matter for he knew the way to light switch by heart. On his way he took the time to appreciate the cleanliness of the water and how oxygenated it felt. He could hear the filtration system running at full capacity (The cleaning crew must have knock the controls by accident), he would have to check that later.
Suddenly, the drapes opened and there was bright flash of light!
As he was blinking the spots away he could hear Hellboy's laughter in the hallway fading away.
As the spots diminish in size and quantity, he began to notice the outline of a vaguely human shape. In hurry, he turned on the lights … only to find himself staring at an empty pressurised diving suit.
Doing his best impersonation of a Japanese carp, it took him a few seconds to notice that the diving suit wasn't the only addition made to his water tank.
Letting go of the initial choc, the still astonish, Abraham began to look around; the floor was covered in pebbles, there was plastic algae in every corners, there was also an open treasure chest, a stone arch way, a castle and a coral reef backdrop … and this kitsch setup was all up to scale!
His tank was now a full fledge aquarium!!!
And it was a very much undignified Abraham that cried out: "OH! Real FUNNY guys!!!"
And then realisation hit him like a ton of brick. The flash … came from a camera.
*****
Safely hidden behind the heavy door of his quarter, Hellboy was chuckling as he was sitting at his computer e-mailing the picture of the perfect prank to everybody in the BPRD.
He's been waiting for years to pull that one off and it was worth the wait.
Wow, my almost first fanfic ever *^_^*
I usually write with my friend BookEater [link] and we both collaborate to the story in almost equal way.
But that was the first time I actually was in charge of everything *^_^* woohoo!! *happy dance*
Well, not so true, yes, we did follow my plan but it was still a mostly collaborative effort.
You see, I never did actually write anything like this on my own before and while I can build a good skeleton I have tremendous difficulties to put some meat of those bones. I simply don’t know where to start, and even with BE’s help I still unsure where I should start … But at least now I know that I’m able to finish, which is a good thing *^_^*
Still I was pretty apprehensive about the whole process. But I have to admit it went better than I first expected and was less arduous than I believe it would … in short it all went pretty smoothly *^_^*
I might actually try it again one day … and maybe one day be able to something from A to Z all on my own *^_^*
I usually write with my friend BookEater [link] and we both collaborate to the story in almost equal way.
But that was the first time I actually was in charge of everything *^_^* woohoo!! *happy dance*
Well, not so true, yes, we did follow my plan but it was still a mostly collaborative effort.
You see, I never did actually write anything like this on my own before and while I can build a good skeleton I have tremendous difficulties to put some meat of those bones. I simply don’t know where to start, and even with BE’s help I still unsure where I should start … But at least now I know that I’m able to finish, which is a good thing *^_^*
Still I was pretty apprehensive about the whole process. But I have to admit it went better than I first expected and was less arduous than I believe it would … in short it all went pretty smoothly *^_^*
I might actually try it again one day … and maybe one day be able to something from A to Z all on my own *^_^*
© 2012 - 2024 Shiroyuki9
Comments3
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A very entertaining read, you nailed the character's traits and personalities well!